I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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