Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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