I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
