the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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