took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
