yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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