you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
vagina is talking i cant
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
