dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
