Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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