Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
