i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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