He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
