I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
