we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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