I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
