Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
