So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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