Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
