My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
