Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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