i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
