I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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