No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
