There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
