ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Quick, to the slutcave!
i wish my penis had a tongue
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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