the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm like, not good at living.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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