I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
