Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
