1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
