What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
