4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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