were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you didnt know i had herpes?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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