i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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