Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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