Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
