Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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