my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
