look no pants
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
