he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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