Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
