Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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