bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
