I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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