He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
