she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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