whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
