dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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