I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
