Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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