I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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