This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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