dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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