o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
